Planting Seeds---or---Hope I Haven't Screwed Them Up

If you’re a football fan, there are few things as annoying as listening to someone who started following the season the morning of the Super Bowl espouse his or her opinion on who will win and why.  Even worse, are the comments during the game that indicate this person doesn’t even have a rudimentary understanding of what’s happening: 

“Can’t believe the kicker missed the field gold!”

 “Why didn’t he just tackle him?”

“Ohhh, Zinfandel!”

With that disclaimer, I admit that the following should be considered for what it is: observations of someone with less than four-months of experience. For old pros in the parenting game, these may ring naïve, or uninformed. I understand. Just skip this altogether. Or fast forward to the comments and type “Tsk, tsk, tsk…” I’ll probably re-read this in five years and vomit.

This evening I had deep thoughts about seemingly throw-away actions that could impact who these kids are. First, a little back-story: Jess prepared bottles for the dudes in the kitchen, as I stood over the bed where they lay and did what I could to keep them from spiraling into hunger-fueled dissatisfaction.  It should be noted that Jackson and Logan, even at this early stage, exhibit very different personalities. Jackson is more outgoing, loud, funny, whiny, and moody. Logan tends to be more gentle, sweet, calm, and introspective. In other words, if there is ever a scheme to sneak the cars out of the garage after Mom and Dad have gone to bed, Jackson will be the one to steal the keys, do donuts in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and yell at girls walking down the street. Logan will figure out how to reset the mileage on the odometer to where it was earlier in the evening…for fear that his younger, smaller brother will slug him.

"You made me like this, dad!"

So over the bed I stood entertaining them in VERY different ways. For Logan, I held these really cool black and white cue cards of animals. The kid is absolutely captivated by these things (strongly suggest these!). It feels like real learning is going on when you look in his eyes. Meanwhile, Jackson partook in his new hobby: blowing spit-fueled air through his lips to make fart sounds.  So while holding the card for Logan,  I egged Jackson on with my own mouth-fart sounds. He responded with cooing, laughter and more "Phhfpppsstttss". Both kids were having fun and all was well. Until this concerning thought came over me: Was I simultaneously encouraging Logan towards intellect and discovery, while leading Jackson down the road of a drooling idiot?

It’s clear to me there is a certain portion of one’s personality that is woven into your DNA. But how much of that is exacerbated and accelerated by the world around you?   All I was trying to do was keep them chill, but it felt  I was encouraging two very distinct and opposing thought processes.  Was I molding the first pieces of clay that would someday reflect their personalities? It seemed innocuous but was it more than that? Was it actually really impactful?   Was I doing Jackson a disservice by playing into such silly behavior? Was I doing Logan a disservice by molding him into bookworm?  I really don’t have the answers to any of these questions, other than I’m pretty sure neither kid is ruined for life at this point. But it did make me consider the possibility that playing to the obvious parts of their existing personality may be a short-term answer, but far from a long-term solution.

I opted against making any more noises and held separate cards for both of them to see. Jackson gave it a good look and responded with a fart sound and hearty giggle. Clearly this is a work in progress…where are the car keys?